


To Be Ignored

by NicoAndTheNineGalaxies



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Don't worry, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Kindness, M/M, Sanders Sides Spoilers, Self-Hatred, Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, in this household we believe in flawed characters not being represented as evil, let me know if i should tag anything else, no one dies, no unsympathetic characters, takes place after the new episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:15:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23975122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies/pseuds/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies
Summary: “Everything’s gonna be okay, kiddo.  We love you.”“...Right.”Or, in other words, Roman feels like shit after the newest episode.  Virgil and Remus, still being parts of a whole, know everything.
Relationships: (could be platonic or romantic), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 16
Kudos: 218





	To Be Ignored

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired after re-watching the new video. If you haven't seen it, spoilers. If you have, feel free to scream with me on my main tumblr (@trust-is-overrated) or check out my writing blog, where I talk about mostly fanfiction and writing (@what-even-are-words). This has probably been done already, since my god this fandom works fast, but I just didn't want to pass up the opportunity to write some Roman angst.
> 
> TW for suicidal thoughts, mentions of suicide attempts, and self-hate.
> 
> Nico x

_ “Everything’s gonna be okay, kiddo. We love you.” _

_ “...Right.” _

All Roman had really wanted when he sunk out was to go back to his room. To be alone. To be somewhere, just once, where no one would ignore him, because it wasn’t really like he could ignore himself, however much he wanted to sometimes.

Virgil and Remus apparently had other plans.

When Roman opened his door, he was greeted with two pairs of concerned brown eyes. Virgil was sitting in the chair by Roman’s desk, one leg pulled up close to his chest and the other flung over the arm of the chair, chewing nervously on one of his thumbnails and completely ignoring the chipped black nail polish. Remus, on the other hand, was laying on his back on Roman’s bed with his feet propped up on the wall, his usual mischievous grin replaced with a frown and a split lip, the kind Roman only ever saw when Remus was really and truly worried or upset and he’d bitten his bottom lip until it bled.

“Oh,” Roman said, cursing himself for the way his voice wavered as he took a step into the room, barely beyond the threshold. “Hey.”

It was Remus who moved first, practically launching himself off of the bed and wrapping Roman up in a hug. “We saw everything,” he whispered, and it was hard for Roman to tell exactly what he meant through that sing-song tone that never seemed to go away.

Roman laughed shakily. “And let me guess, you hate me now?”

“You...messed up,” Remus replied. “But it’s okay. We all make mistakes. Deceit -  _ Janus _ \- he’s made mistakes, too.”

“I was cruel to him, Rem,” Roman protested, his voice weak. “I shouldn’t have - that was - I hurt him. I deserved what he said. It’s my fault. Everything.”

Remus pulled away, and only then could Roman see the tears caught in his eyelashes and the sharp teeth gnawing at his lower lip. “Roman, you’re my brother. I’m never going to hate you. Yeah, you probably shouldn’t have said that, but everyone says things they don’t mean.”

“Ro?”

Roman almost jumped, but Remus stepped to the side and Roman saw Virgil, still sitting in the same position in that chair, which Roman guessed wasn’t very comfortable, but Virgil didn’t seem to mind it. “Virgil…”

Virgil tugged his sleeves over his hands, fists clenching around the extra fabric. “You’re working on it,” he said eventually, sounding hesitant. “You were - when I first showed up, you…”

“Oh, no,” Roman breathed. “Virge, I was horrible to you back then. And you were like him. Like Janus.”

“One of the others,” Virgil confirmed. “You accepted me. It took a while, but you did. You know better now, I can tell, and that means you can fix this before it gets too far.”

Roman opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t find the words, or maybe he just didn’t want to say them. He glanced over at Remus, gaze desperate, and Remus seemed to get the message.

“I’ll go,” he said quickly, casting an indecipherable look at Virgil as he turned to leave. “I should probably talk to Janus anyway.”

The door clicked behind him and Roman let himself slump against it, sliding down until he could sit.

“Ro?” Virgil asked. 

Roman didn’t miss the way his eyeshadow started to darken.

_ You did that, _ a little voice in his head whispered.  _ Your fault. Just like everything else that’s gone wrong lately. _

“Roman,” Virgil said, his voice a little firmer.

“How did you duck out?” Roman asked, looking up at Virgil.

There was a pause, and then Virgil stood, crossing the room in a few steps and sitting down next to Roman against the door. “Why are you asking me about that?”

“Because if  _ I’m _ the one getting in the way of Thomas being a good person, if  _ I’m _ the one hurting you and Janus and everyone else, if  _ I’m  _ the one causing all the problems...maybe Thomas is better off without me.” Roman had kept his gaze fixed on the ceiling as he spoke, but he looked down when he finished, only to see Virgil’s hands shaking, clenched into fists so tight that his knuckles looked more like bone than skin.

“You know we can’t die?” Virgil asked.

Roman nodded, bewildered by the sudden question.

“Well, ‘ducking out’ is the closest we get. If I’d wanted to, I probably could’ve kept you guys from getting into my room and bringing me back. Essentially, it means we’re shut off from everyone else, until whenever or  _ if _ ever we choose to go back,” Virgil explained. “That’s the only thing that keeps it from truly being a death, that we have the choice to go back. But the fact that we have no effect on Thomas, that no one can properly contact us...Roman, what you just asked me to tell you was basically how to commit a side’s version of suicide.”

Roman turned his head so fast that he hit it on the door. He cursed under his breath, reaching a hand up to check for a bruise, but he quickly refocused his attention on Virgil. “That’s what you were trying to do?”

Virgil grimaced and shrugged. “Sort of. Obviously I couldn’t actually do it, I, um...I know Remus tried a few times after the split, but nothing actually worked, since we can’t die. I figured that my method was close enough. But  _ no way _ am I telling you how to do it, alright? You’re not the reason Thomas isn’t a good person, you’re the reason he’s truly human. You do some shitty stuff, but I have, too. So has Janus. So has Logan. So has Patton. Remus...well, shoving Logan’s teeth up his nose wasn’t very nice - “

“I’m sorry, my brother did  _ what?” _

“Get him to tell you later,” Virgil advised with a grin. “You were unconscious. Now that I think about it, knocking you unconscious wasn’t very nice of him, either.”

“I’ve gotten used to him. It can be kind of endearing.”

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, we’re all flawed, okay?” Virgil continued. “The important thing is that you try to make amends. Ducking out isn’t the right way to do that, so have you got any other ideas?”

Roman bit his lip, but that just reminded him of Janus’s comment -  _ thank God you don’t have a mustache; otherwise, between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is _ \- so he forced himself to stop. “I could...apologize?”

“That’s a start,” Virgil agreed. “Janus, though, he’s not very fond of apologies. You have try to make things right, and that means making an effort to get less wrong in the future.”

“To not hurt him anymore,” Roman added. “Okay. I can do that.”

“Do you want to go apologize to Janus, or do you want to calm down first?”

“Calm down,” Roman replied. “No question about it.”

“Okay,” Virgil said, resting an arm across Roman’s shoulders. “That’s okay.”

And that quiet understanding meant the world to Roman, because it was exactly what he had wanted. Because just once, no one was ignoring him.

Even if it hadn’t exactly gone the way he planned.


End file.
